Sunday, May 06, 2007

Summer. Where Art Thou?

I'm tired. And sick. I'm tired of being sick. I have been sick since Christmas, on and off. Mostly on. I don't want to cough anymore. I'm tired of the adoption thing taking so long. I'm tired of the must have routine of school days. I'm tired of homework, permission slips, field trips, making lunches and getting up at 5 AM. Oh yeah. I'm tired of getting up at 5 am. I want to be one of those people who goes to bed about 10:30 pm and sleeps till around 7:30 or 8 the next morning. It doesn't matter what time I go to sleep, I wake up at 5 am. I want summer to be here. I want to stay in bed until 7 am and then get up and go for my walk/run and stop at the Beach Hut for a coffee with my sister before coming home to start my day as a parent. I want a car that won't break down ever 2 to 3 thousand kms. No I want a brand new mini-van, and Becky, I would be happy with taupe. The problem with a brand new mini-van is the brand new payments which I don't want. I want a clean house. I'm not talking about a clean house on the weekend because I've finally had the time to spend with Jack and the girls doing a thorough cleaning, only to have it disappear by Sunday night. I mean a clean house like Mitz or like Mom or Orlah always have. I want to know that I can call a friend to meet me at my house right after work and know that it will be clean. The problem is I want kids and somehow I can't have both. I think mostly I'm tired of being alone. I want someone to come home to that isn't a kid. OK. Tye isn't a kid, but he's my kid. So is Jack. I want Tye to not have to feel like he needs to take care of me. I want to go visit him in his house and bring him summa borscht because I know he'll never make it himself. I want Jack to do better at school and get a job. I want him to be excited about growing up and moving out with friends, but he's not. I want him to get his driver's and a life. I guess I'm just feeling a little battle bruised today. Sorry for such a depressing post. When I think of my brother John and his family I feel like a big baby writing this.


Carol said...

I feel the same way about the weather. The weather in Saskatoon when we were there, was nicer than the weather here. Hmmm, maybe we should move......................NOT!!!

Becky said...

Awe. You aren't a baby. You deserve someone to come home to that isn't one of your kids.

And I'm right with you on the clean house thing. It's amazing how much more serene my life feels when my house is clean and in order. (This doesn't happen very often for me either, and I don't have rotten teenagers leaving empty pop bottles and dirty laundry everywhere.) Just today I was fixing our DVD player (Yes, I'm that smart) and I found two DVD's that have been missing for around a year. They had SOMEHOW been put, not into the DVD tray, but in with the electrical bits and wires. The only reason I found them was because I had opened the whole thing up to fix it. I know who put them there, but I still can't figure out how in the world he got them up above the little door and the wires and all the little electrical cards and jazz. What's the point of this story? The point is, when I put them back into their cases, the cases that had been empty for a year, the cases I had looked at every time I tidied the DVD drawer, the cases that had prompted many frenzied searches through the house and long thinking sessions trying to imagine where those DVD's could possibly have gone without their cases... Where was I? Oh yeah, when I put them back into their cases and slid them into their places in the DVD drawer I felt this deep sense of peace. It felt so good. So I know how a messy house makes everything seem worse and a clean one makes everything seem better.

And back to the grown up to come home to. Me and Ben will add you to our prayer list for a while. I think it's about time God sent someone your way. You just get an outfit ready for him and maybe some sultry perfume.

I love you Aunty Margaret. Give Jack a kick in his pants from his big cousin and if you can manage it, give yourself a hug from me. I hope you feel better soon.

Margaret said...

Thanks, Becky. I appreciate your prayers. I don't feel like this very often, but some times it just gets to me.

footsack said...

When it stops raining, call me and I will meet you at the beach hut anytime.

jude said...

Margaret, if I could I would come and give you a big hug!
Lots of love from your friend in Sask!

Abe&Maggie said...

You know Margaret, I remember when you used to call whenever you had car trouble (we used to talk alot more than we have for a long while). I also remember how, at first when we didn't live close together any more, i was thankful that someone else could fix your cars now. But to be honest with you I miss that, not just working on your cars but being close enough to just run over and have a look at it. I hope that one day soon you will get a vehicle that will not need to be repaired every 3000 km's. Maybe this "someone to come home to" will come with a brand new minivan!
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matt.10:29-31
Chin-up Margaret!
Love Abe

Carol said...

I pray the person you seek will soon show himself. We all get down once in a while. I hope your mood soon changes.

Sue said...

Margaret, You do deserve someone to come home to and to leave home with who isn't one of your children. I'll bet he's in Saskatchewan. I dare you to move back and find out. Com'on you know you want to. I can see it now... a rich farmer with a big house, horses, winter vacations, probably a maid and a really nice mini van.

Margaret said...

Sue, That was great. Thanks so much for making me laugh.

Anonymous said...

This is a long time after your post, but remember, an adult to come home to means some very large adjustments, not only for you but the kids.
Decisions are much more difficult when you have to give equal consideration to the opinions of this other adult.
The dynamics of all relationships in your household will change very dramatically.
I don't mean to be a party pooper, but the reasons above are why many women wait for an empty nest before considering such a dramatic change in their life.
Your cousin,