Monday, January 19, 2009

Almost a year.

It has been almost a year since my last post. I was going to post exactly a year to the date and now, because I got tagged, I have to post early. :) My brother John tagged me.

So here goes.
1) I am mostly a country girl, but I do like living in town. Here's why I am both. Living in town, I can send the kids to the store if I need something quick. The kids can walk to and from school so I don't have to worry about them missing the bus and having to drive them. OK. That's the only reasons I can come up with.
Living in the country. If I sit in my back yard I can hear the water running in the creek in my backyard instead of the steady stream of traffic revving their engines to make it up the hill beside my house. I can also sleep with my window opened, and again, hear the creek, birds, the breeze in the trees, and, you guessed it, no traffic.

2) I am over weight. I have struggled with my weight since having a hysterectomy in 1989. It is the one thing I struggle with on a continual basis. When I was a smoker (back in the 70's) I smoked almost 2 packs a day. I also drank about 30 cups of coffee in a day. Talk about addicted. Then one day God sent me a vision and I made a decision to quit. It was so hard. Mom took Tye over to spend the weekend with them and I curled up in my apartment and was sick for 3 days. But I quit. Losing weight is so much more difficult. When I quit smoking, I got rid of my leftover cigarettes and just didn't have any in my house. I could quit. I can't do that with food, though. I have to buy food. I have to prepare it for my children. I have to eat it. The trick is to stop eating before you get full and to eat the right foods. It would be so much easier if I could just quit buying, preparing and eating. One day, when I get to Heaven, I will weigh my ideal 135 lbs and I will look so good. :) In the meantime, I will work and struggle with my weight.

3) When I grow up, I want to be a missionary. I watched a show the other day and I saw older, single women, living in villages in all different parts of the world, being house mothers for up to 15 children in a house. They had two daytime helpers, but the "mothers" lived in the house and took care of the children. At one of the homes the oldest children were around 10 and the youngest were toddlers. That's my home.
However, the fact that this is an almost unreachable dream, is something I have almost come to terms with...almost. My life choices when I was young made this unattainable at the time, as have my life choices now that I am almost old. Don't get me wrong. I love what I do. I am a mother to 5 children, 2 grown up boys I gave birth to and 3 girls I adopted. I love my family. I have a job I wouldn't want to give up for any other. But I believe that God implants in each of us desires and a purpose for our life. He tells us in His word that He will give us the desires of our heart, (Ps 37:4) which tells me that we have desires. I believe these are also given to us by God. My desire has always been to be a missionary, working with children. So I have made some adjustments. I do it in my own country and I have been a missionary to more than 50 children. So, in a way, I have attained my dream and maybe even grown up a bit.

4) I drive old cars. I haven't had a new car, or even newer, since I became a mother. I am currently driving a "92 Oldsmobile Cutlass Cruiser, that my kids call the "loser cruiser". I totally believe they love the car and that this is an affectionate nickname for our beloved, wood paneled, brown station wagon with a "turn around" seat in the back. When I drive up at their school to pick them up, everyone looks and points at me and I know they are talking about what a cute car I drive. My children are so humble, though. They quietly walk up to the car with their heads bowed and get in, sitting quietly while we drive away. I am so proud of them. They could be strutting up to the car, bragging and gloating in front of the whole school, but they don't. I was going to get a new car, but I know that my children would be sad to see our "loser cruiser" laid to rest so I think I will keep it until I know longer get to pick them up at school.

5) I am loud. I don't like it, but I do recognize that it is a fact. I think it is partly a family trait, but I wish I had inherited a different one. I am working on not being loud, but it's hard changing something that has been a part of you for so many years. When I was a child, I was so shy that I wouldn't talk to anyone outside of family. Starting school was so traumatic. I remember peeing my pants when I was asked to share with the class for show and tell. Even as a teenager, I was shy. I talked to my siblings and I'm sure that on occasions, I was loud then, but it didn't seem to become a part of my character until I was about 18. I was working at a sewing factory (GWG) and had no friends. I was shy, awkward and not very cute. I had a broken tooth and bad skin. One day I was riding Rusty (my amazing little horse) out in the field and pretending I was popular and pretty. I knew this was really not "normal" to be pretending in my head, but it seemed the only place I was what I wanted to be. I made a decision that day. I was either going to change or I was going to run away forever. I talked it over with Rusty and decided that living without my family would be too difficult so I decided to change. It wasn't easy. I started approaching people and starting conversations with them. I liked how it felt and I think I learned to cover up my shyness that way. I am still shy and have to urge myself to talk when I am around new people. The problem with this is that I have created a monster. I can't stop it and I have become a loud, shy person, which is an oxymoron, I know, but still a fact.

So, there you have it. I am going to do what John did and tag a few people.



John said...

Chris already did it, but no big deal. Oh Tutz, your feelings about that dumb horse are sure different than mine. I remember how he used to scatter the cows when I went to get them for milking. I did not like him much. Do not get rid of that car. I would keep it until it fell right out from under me. As long as it didn't cost to much to maintain.

Margaret said...

So far it has cost me about $1600 over almost 4 years. I have an amazing mechanic so for the time being I will keep it. The sad thing is that I know it probably won't take me to Sask again so if I want to come out there I need a different vehicle. maybe I'll get a new car and give this to jack. Wouldn't he look cool driving through town in my, Oops... his "loser cruiser. LOL

Sue said...

Now I have been tagged by two people to do this. I guess I better get at it.

Becky said...

I'm a loud shy person too.

Christine said...

Tutz: (I love that nickname)I always pretend in my head. Doesn't everybody? Am I abnormal? Do I need to seek help? Hahaha! Actually, I think I am beyond help.

Susan: Hop to it!

Tutz and Becky: It is genetic. Embrace it, that is what I think.

Avaelyn said...

Ohhh! I just noticed that you tagged me! Haha almost a year late. So... what am I supposed to do?